Filthy Stinking Rich CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES

Just the other day, I was DESPERATE for something rich and chocolaty; and as they say desperate times call for desperate measures. It was the ultimate craving of soft and gooey chocolate that pushed aside all other plans of what I was going to bake that day... These were not even on the short-list!

Heck to be honest, I didn't even have a clue where to begin, but as the Lord would have it, (or maybe it was just my pre-diabetic sugar-craving pancreas)  they made their way from a mishmosh of ingredients, then to my oven, and straight into my heart. 

CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER PRETZEL CRUNCH COOKIES

I am a SUCKER for sweet and salty food. Reese's peanut butter cups? Love 'em.  Chocolate covered pretzels? Yes, please!  and of course kettle corn! (just to name a few). It only makes sense that one day, I would figure out a cookie that is the perfect combination of sweet and salty... TA DA! The Best peanut butter cookie you'll ever have. You. Are. Welcome.

Homemade Anti-Acne & Anti-Blemish Face Mask

I have something special and different to present on the blog; except this little ditty will NOT make you gain any weight like the rest of the recipes do. Although you COULD eat it...120.2% safe for consumption** 
And I did try a little finger scoop of the delicious mixture. How many face masks can you say are safe to ingest? I think not many... 

VANILLA CONFETTI CUPCAKES

 There comes a time in every person's life where food becomes their best friend. And what good qualities do best friends possess? They have to be A. Fun; B. Cheery; C. Sweet and most importantly, they must be there for you. WELL have I got a treat for you! This lovely cupcake has all those qualities and is therefore like a best friend that you can eat right up! 

I mean, you could 'eat' your best friend, but I think you might be more than just friends at that point... Just a thought.

BROWN SUGAR BEAR MUFFINS

What a jolly-good day it has been! I experienced something I haven't felt in a long, looong, time.
First off, get your mind outta the gutter.
Secondly, no.
Thirdly, yes.

SAVOURY SWEET AND SOUR CHICKEN

I was having a conversation with my boyfriend the other day on the computer, and he was casually telling me how he had just consumed "about 40 ounces of steak" for dinner.

WHAT?!

Is that even humanly possible?

Crazy for CREPES

Breakfast, dinner or dessert, the LBD of food.

Bonjour mes amis! Aujourd'hui, j'écrirai cette recette en français! hah hah hah.. Sacrebleu you say? well, i am only kiddddding! Besides my knowledge of french isn't that extensive, despite the fact i am Canadian. However, j'adore french-Canadien cuisine, and i ESPECIALLY love their pastries. If you ever have the opportunity to visit Old Montreal (and Montreal in general), do your self a favour and GO. Some of the best food i've had. At least in Canada. Don't get me started on Texas...

CLASSIC CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

I have found that ever since graduating I have had a lotttt of time on my hands. This is both a good and a bad thing-- G O O D because I have more time to bake and cook. B A D because well, i'm not making any fakking money. None. Whatsoever. Nothing. Nada. Nil. Zip. Zero. Zilch... i think you get the point.

KETTLE CORN

I love spending time with my brother and sister; and while we are all considered 'grown up' now, we are still just as dysfunctional and ridiculous, as when we were kids. Needless to say, we are all crammed under the same roof again, like it was before we all went off to university. ya, bet you didn't know a university degree was the golden ticket to living at home again.

However, the three of us still lead very different lives so it's pretty uncommon to spend time as 'just the three of us'. 

so one night a few days ago, i find it is just us three, and my brother and sister were serenading me with a duet of "part of your world" à la 'the little mermaid', in possibly (and purposefully) the screechiest and loudest voices, ever. 

Basic (but Bad *ss) BROWNIES

What is the big stinking deal with brownies these days? There are a zillion recipes out there that make these grand claims about having 'such and such' type of brownie, and a lotttt of the times, it's total bs.
So imma give it to you straight up. The deal with this here particular brownie is:

PERFRECT PANCAKES

Preparing 'perfect' pancakes is a particularly precarious, and personal problem for a plethora of people.

i'm probably proficient at producing and prolonging the powerful and persuasive post of P's. But, ph*ck it; i'm passive and not persistent enough. Period. okay, i'm done. 

Thick and Chewy Oatmeal-Chocolate-Cranberry cookies

So this happened yesterday...
I had just finished posting the copycat-krispy-kreme-donuts recipe and oddly enough had a huge craving for oatmeal cookies... but not my usual outrageous oatmeal chocolate chip cookies... no sir. These had to be different, with an over-abundance of oats, chips and something different, like say, dried cranberries. oh melissa, you creative girl you. hah. ya right. 

Copycat 'KRISPY KREME' donuts

So i embarked on an arduous* process on tuesday night, which i feel many people would frown upon, given the pre-conditions to starting ...For one it was already 9pm; Secondly, it wasn't even hump day yet; and thirdly, i was slightly drunk. Nah i'm just kidding. But i should have been. I'm not sure what other people do on their tuesday nights; probably more normal things like sitting in a movie theatre gorging themselves on popcorn because it's 'cheap tuesday', and tbh who the f*ck can afford to watch regular priced movies anymore??? But no, my brother coaxed me into making homemade donuts. Which wasn't the least bit regrettable, but probably something you'll wanna start earlier in the day or earlier in the night even.  

GINGERIFFIC GINGER BEEF (AKA Korean style beef)

yes, the picture sucks #getoverit #meanie

this meal is super cheap and easy (just like me) and it's a totally delicious crowd-pleaser. When i say crowd-pleaser, i really mean that all people, and even the most pickiest of eaters are sure to enjoy this. My sister for example, who prefers "tube cookies"* over homemade cookies enjoys it. sigh...tube cookies...ANYways. The picture doesn't quite justify it, but at least you get the idea. If you have never had food such as this, fear not, because it is like the kettle corn of meats. Is that a weird image? maybe a little. But still ah-may-zing. 

SCRUMPTIOUS [Cinnamon] BUNS, READY IN 90MINS

that's the melted icing, not what you THINK** it looks like.

I think cinnamon buns have a bad rap of being difficult and time consuming; now while i wouldn't say they are easy to make, they aren't all that complex, and let's face they give you a good work out if you do it all by hand! and you will probably feel it the next day if you're a weak little sh*t like me. This particular kind that i make are delicious, soft, flavourful and gooey, and comparable to those certain delicious-but-horrendously-expensive type of buns at the mall*.  Seriously a no-fail recipe. And to make it that much better, they are actually ready to eat in 90 minutes! 

Clean Eating and What it Means to Me

i like to eat ‘clean’, and for me that means staying the h*ll away from processed foods. i am not a strict clean eater, because let’s face it, i stinking love sugar… i am by no means a health nut, i follow no strict regimen, and i do enjoy the occasional chocolate milkshake, or more notably, a cold brewski. #yesiamofage #drinkresponsibly #whouseshashtagsinablogpost #loser

Bootylicious Banana Muffins

if you place two beside each other really close, they do resemble a fine buttocks.

Banana Muffins are a fantastic way to enhance your curves. I'm not sure how many calories these babies rack up per serving but I can only imagine it's huge, just like your *ss after eating them. haha. I'm only jokingggg. 

But that is why I said they are Bootylicious. 

Outrageous Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

Chewy centre. Crispy exterior. my mouth just came...came back to life that is! although, now that we're kind of on the topic, excess amounts of drool does seem like another similar physiological function in response to... oh nevermind.

FIRST-EVER POST 一

Food is flexible. Not that it has flexibility per-se, but you have the freedom of doing whatever the f*ck you want with it. Following a recipe doesn't always mean following it exactly, as most people do.  Shame on you! If you like your cookies sweeter, add more sugar, if you prefer them salty, add more salt. There are certain ingredients to work with and add or take away that will not ruin your recipe as expected. i know you're out there, guilty as charged for just following a recipe as is. Why not be creative though?

Take for instance the Friends episode where Rachel attempts to make a trifle, and merges two different (and oh-so-juxtaposing) recipes:

Ross: "It tastes like feet!"

Joey: "Well, I like it."

Ross: "Are you kidding?"

Joey: "...I mean, what's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good!"

The point being, we can mix and match whatever our taste buds desire... albeit some things were probably never meant to be put together --like perhaps custard and meat-- but hey, whatever floats your boat!  

Much like the trifle analogy, the recipes posted have been adapted to suit my personal tastes, (just go with it okay?!) BUT feel free to use the original* recipe or a mix between the two!... i mean, how badly can you f*ck up something like cookies???... just be smart about it! 

And i do promise the recipes will be better than most Friends humor. oh snap.

"It’s a trifle. It’s got all of these layers. First there’s a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like something’s wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!" 

*original recipe may not always be available, because let's face it, some of this sh*t came straight from my head**.  However, i will try to find the next closest thing.

**bahahaha who are we kidding, there will almost always be an original... i'm not that talented..i'm actually quite the greenhorn***.BUT I'M STILL CONFIDENT IN WHAT I POST

***i just googled the etymology of 'greenhorn', you'll be pleasantly surprised at how horrid it is: Middle English greene horn, horn of a newly slaughtered animal [originally an animal with green (that is, young) horns]. 
And now you know. You're f*cking welcome.